I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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