You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
