And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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