the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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