Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
