After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
