I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
