I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
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Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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