i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
