it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
