just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you would pick up someone in the library
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
