Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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