my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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