Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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