I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
