I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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