wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
