A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
