I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
