he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
