Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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