Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
