life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
