you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
