look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
