those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
