Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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