The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
