Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
