when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
