I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She announced her abortion via fbk
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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