also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
