Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize