I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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