i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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