My room smells like vodka and shame
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
