Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize