u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
