I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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