he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
