I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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