Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
