You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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