sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
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