Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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