Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
