there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
