I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
