found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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