i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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