i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
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He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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