He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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