Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
