Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
