It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
