It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
