I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
there was a trapeze. enough said
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
