Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

wat bout pragnant strippers??

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

I wish they made helmets for livers.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often

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(407): View more from Florida

Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.

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(917): View more from New York City

He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.

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(719): View more from Colorado

we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.

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(614): View more from Ohio

He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail

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