well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
