dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Randomize
