I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
