i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
