Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
