I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
