all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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