If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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